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As the progress bar crawled forward, Leo imagined himself as Booker DeWitt, soaring through the sun-drenched streets of Columbia. He could almost hear the barbershop quartets and the mechanical roar of a Songbird. But as the file finished and he hit "Run," the music that filled his room wasn't a 1912 remix of a pop song. It was the frantic whirring of his computer’s cooling fan, spinning up like a jet engine.

He pulled the plug, the screen went black, and for the first time in an hour, the room was silent. Columbia was gone, and his computer was a brick. Some things, he realized, are worth the retail price. As the progress bar crawled forward, Leo imagined

Suddenly, the desktop icons vanished. In their place, a single image appeared: the face of a Handyman, its metallic eyes glowing red. But this wasn't a game asset. A text box popped up over the creature’s chest: It was the frantic whirring of his computer’s